Limerick Anyone?

Limerick Anyone?
by: Celt, Sue, D.A., Doghouse, Misty, Garvis
Spinning out from our “Roses Are Red” discussion/project – We changed gears and attempted Limericks.
This turned into a game which most of the list joined in on.

There once was a group of Hell bent
Doggerel writers whose efforts they sent
To Exquisite Corpse Spoilers
Instead of Pot Boilers
Blame Susan, but she won't repent

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who chanced to meet Hyacinth Bucket
But she said, "It's 'Bouquet',
You must say it that way"
Then he sighed, rolled his eyes
And said "F*** it!"

There once was a group dedicated to prose
Who spent all day goofing on the rose
When that went awry
Celt said "Why don't I
switch to limericks to see where it goes."

There once was a group that existed
For crafting new stories assisted
Not just by sobriety
But by common society
They flourished becoming quite twisted

They once were enticed into writing
Rose poems by Susan, inciting
A marathon session
Of cures for depression
That most of us found quite delighting

Then along came a witch on a mission
This CELT sought to cause a transition
Into limerick writing
But no one was biting
It seems it's hard breaking tradition

So if you still seek to inspire
Or otherwise to light a fire
Under literate butts
If you have the guts
Maybe puns is what you require?

There once was a farm-girl with a dream
Everynight she'd lay awake and scheme
Then one day
We heard her exclaim
These mailing lists will make me scream

I would've responded much sooner
But our internet here seemed to go lunar
I was stuck offline
Listen to me whine
Now it's time to go home for a nooner

Did someone say puns are a'needed?
That thought makes my mind sprout up seeded.
For puns I do love,
beyond and above,
but my mind's blank, have those sprouts all been weeded?

There once was a girl on a farm,
who had two cows both filled with charm.
Both bottle fed calves,
soon their size doubled in half,
they're just healthy, no cause for alarm.

A nooner? You're one lucky guy!
Are the details something you'll supply?
Whether it's noontime or morning or dark
whenever I try lighting a spark,
my luck, well, I've just been bone dry.

There was a gal working in dental
The car she drove was a rental
After reading a while
The EC posts made her smile
And she ended up not going mental

Dear Doghouse if it's not a hastle
You can come to my house for White Castles
We will have fun and play
Forget nooners with DA
Turning pickles into sexy tassels!

Alas there was none to be had
Nooner was only a rhyme, tis sad
Unfortunately it's true
been a while for me too,
If it weren't for my hand I'd go mad

Why D.A. takes "matters" in hand
Is something we all understand
It is such a strain
Mastering our domain
Unless double entendres are banned

Reminds me of a comic I once saw
Who told a Star Wars joke and made me guffaw
He said when Luke lost his hand
He sighed and deadpanned
That he needed a girlfriend now, Ha!

If double entendres are banned
Because of DA's love of the hand
I don't know what I'll do
Cause I use them too
The double entendres not the hands understand.

Hmmm, onion bits strategically placed
suddenly other thoughts now are replaced
with one little bit here
and one on her rear
Oh gosh, now all my thoughts are debased.

Too bad it's been such a slow time.
Going solo some think is a crime.
But you've carried that load
(or maybe let it explode?)
so I'll toast one to you saying L'Chaim! *

There's some stuff you really can't shirk it
And in D.A.'s case he just had to work it
TMI for your brain?
Well then think of the strain
Too much pressure and he might postal clerk it.

There once was a man named DA
who shared "too much" one fine day
bout his need to explode
their mindes in the comode
Did write limericks about it all day.