Zombie Story - Back from the Dead - Part 1

or The Cows Ate the World (?)

This one is also still in progress. One person picks two words to be used, the writer writes something using those words. They then 'tag' the next person with two words tehy must use, and so on and so on.

By (so far): Qbryzan, Sue, Doghouse, Garvis, and D.A.

WORDS: PLETHORA and ANTITHESIS

As I write this, the human race is exhaling its last breath. At the beginning of the 21st century we were faced with a plethora of life-threatening problems, from Global Warming to Nuclear War, but ironically what did us in was so much more insidious. I only hope one day some other race may discover this and learn from our mistakes.
You see, we thought bacteria were bad. And in a way they were. But our solution was the antithesis of a life-saving measure - we developed anti-bacterial soap. Lots and lots of anti-bacterial soap. It got so bad you couldn't even find non-anti-bacterial soap anymore, unless you made it yourself.
And that is where our trouble began.

***

WORDS: PERIPATETIC and SERENDIPITY

Now normally a peripatetic person would carry anti-bacterial soap on their travels. A backpack would include the germ killing soap or at least hand sanitizer, water, toiletpaper, a map and other necessary items that one might need at the drop of a hat while wandering around aimlessly, but on this particular day, our traveler had to make a quick exodus from their abode as zombies had attacked their peaceful Iowian town and forced our hero to leave her home quickly.
"Damn it!" Susan mumbled under her breath as she searched through her fanny pack for the millionth time. "I just want clean hands.... Is that too much to ask?" But she had the serendipity to notice the bottle of hand sanitizer sticking out from under her car seat. "Viola! I am saved."

***

WORDS: QUIXOTIC and CONUNDRUM

She had the thought of tossing the hand sanitizer onto the heap of trash spilling over the side of the metal trashcan along with all the spoiled food that was lost when the power went, but shrugged off that quixotic notion as an old habit dying hard.

Across town Rick was hunkered down inside an old wooden shed, his survival pack strung taut across his back and his rifle clenched tightly in his sweating fingers. The sun had just set and he could hear them on the other side of the thin wodden wall shuffling back and forth aimlessly. They were most active at night and he knew he was here, trapped until sunrise. Rick hated the outdoors, he hated cabins and he hated camping. Putting together a survival pack was difficult, but second only to figuring out how to load the bullets in the rifle. And here he was stuck, alone, hungry and cold until dawn.
Rick laughed silently to himself and whispered, "What did I do to deserve to be stuck in the night of the living dread?". His smile faded as he realized that this was no time for conundrums; he shook his head to bring him back to the present.

***

WORDS: FRISKINESS and RECIPROCITY

Rick looked around trying to locate his comrades. If there was one lesson Rick had learned it was that as long as you were with a group of people you are safer in the event of a zombie attack, especially if one of them is just a little bit slower than you are. He saw Jay and Bob leaning against the back wall. Jim and Pam had slipped off somewhere probably engaging in a little friskiness he thought. He looked around the cabin. Where was Randy?
Rick took his walkie talkie and asked Randy to reply. He didn't think Randy fully understood the scope of the disaster they were facing. He hadn't come face to face with this new breed of walking dead. It was doubtful he would even recognize them if he was face to ... suddenly a burst of static came over Rick's walkie.
"Randy, is that you? Where are you?" Rick radioed back.
"It's me. I had to get some fresh air. I think I was getting cabin fever," Randy replied.
"Randy, are you telling me that you are outside?"
"Well duh, where else would the fresh air be? Besides, do you have any idea how many bacteria are inside that cabin? And I don't have any anti-bacterial soap, Rick. It's not safe in there." Then Rick heard Randy speak the words he hoped he would never hear. He heard the words that told him that even though there were bacteria inside the cabin, there were worse things outside."Rick," Randy's voice was static filled and unearthly, "Lookie Dat Cow."

If Randy could see them it was too late. The zombie cows would soon be all over Randy. Considering how many times Randy had eaten their kin at McDonalds and Burger King, Rick figured this was a cosmic act of reciprocity, bovine intervention, kine karma. Tonight Randy was on the menu and the cows were gonna have it their way.

***

WORDS: PARADIGM and RECALCITRANT

Damn that Randy for beings so recalcitrant. If only he'd listened! Rick did a quick headcount and was relieved that there were at least three other people slower than him. Unless the paridgm shifts, I should be safe for a little while longer.

Meanwhile, in the cornfields of Iowa Susan walked wondering what had happened to all the people? Just then she heard the sound of cattle lowing. Where are those cows I keep hearing? She thought to herself.

***

WORDS: OLIGARCHY and LUGUBRIOUS

In Canada, a group of freedom fighters were trying to regain order with an oligarchy group. Chaos reigned worldwide, and there was no end in sight to the looting and rampant anarchy.

"David, we need to let the others know that we're here," the doctor said. "How else can we unite against this lugubrious situation? Someone has to rise up and save us from the cows."

Meanwhile in Milwaukee a discovery was made. "Hrmmmm. Bacteria?"

=====

TO BE CONTINUED ...

Next Words to be used: RAGLAN and OSSIFY

Pet Attack (???) - Part 1

This one is actually still currently untitled, and still 'under construction'.

By (so far): D.A., Susan, Misty, Doghouse, and Sue


"Dreamy!" Misty sighed as she watched the Nerds-r-us channel on her new 50" plasma tv. Just then she heard some clacking on the keyboard. "Odd?" She thought as she got up to investigate. There was Buster on the computer. He looked up at her, suspicion in his eyes.
"Busty-baby? What are you doing?" A hint of concern in her voice.

Across town Susan had just gotten home from her latest shopping trip. "If only Malcolm had opposable thumbs, then he could help me bring in the groceries." she thought to herself as she opened the front door.
Something was amiss. Everything was too quiet. "Malcolm? Alley? Teva?" The cats were nowhere to be found. And worst of all, her computer was missing ...

She yelled as she walked around the house, "Short-Tailed Wonder.. where are you?"
"Fat-Boy Slim, where are you?" She didn't bother calling for Teva, who she knew was certainly in her latest hidey hole.
But then she noticed her computer was missing. All that was left amid the desk clutter was a note. "Quit gambling away your money... Give it to me instead. Send $100 dollars, and a couple new catnip socks to the inclosed address, and I might return the cats. Forget the computer. Much Love, B"

"Shit!" Susan yelled. Her luck tonight at the track and the casino had run out. Now she was going to have buy back her cats. Well at least Ally and Teva. "B" whoever that is, will certain get tired of the Orange kid sooner that I can make those catnip socks.

Susan searched feverously through her dusty roll-a-dex to find a clue as to who "B" might be.

Suddenly it dawned on her that Brian was over the other night to fix her computer and was going on and on about the hidden talents of his IT trained cats, Cat5 and Cat6.

"That's it", Susan thought. Brian must be behind this caper.

Susan quickly placed a call, but it went unanswered. Off to the left a strange red light caught her eye and she realized that it was a laser beam. Cat 5 and Cat 6 must be using the computer operated laser beam to lure cats away from the house!!

Maybe Brian is not behind this after all and it the work of Cat5 and Cat6, Susan thought. Susan had to work quickly in case Brian was being held hostage. She was getting ready to head to Brian's when a strange sight appeared before her eyes.

"Cassie?" "Did I just see Cassie driving that rent-a truck?"..The plot was getting deeper and deeper.

Across town, but not on the same side of town as Susan, just slightly north of her and a little west, so not even technically "across" town but maybe more kitty-corner, a soft light flickered in the window of an abaondoned warehouse. Someone sat on the floor in front of a low candle rocking back and forth almost as if in prayer. The rocking motion caused the flame to jump but never giving off enough light to make out any of the person's features. Male or female, it was impossible to tell as the hair was of an indeterminante length and the clothes, if they could even be called clothes were loose and hanging and covered in a strange, soft looking material.

The wind howled through the heat ducts and caused the door handle to shake. Alerted by the noise the candle worshiper stopped rocking and tilted its head back. Its ears suddenly pricked upright and its head turned toward the noise.

"Meeeeoowww?"

Back at Misty's house, Buster stared at Misty. She couldn't tell if he was plotting something or just giving her the normal cat indifference stare.

Misty slowly rose from the couch and walked toward Buster and the computer. Buster quickly bounded from his perch on the computer desk to vanish underneath it. A quick flash of light and the monitor went dark. Buster had pushed the off switch on the surge protector. He slowly moved out from under the desk, growling softly. Misty backed away from him in surprise and a touch of fear. "Buster-baby, what's wrong?"

Suddenly she heard a crash outside. She turned towards the noise only to see Buster streak out of the room. She followed Buster towards the bedroom. Was he using the telephone?

Back in a dark and abandoned warehouse not quite really across town, but on a different side of town, a phone rang.

Ring Ring! Ring Ring! Ring Ring! There was a fumbling for the phone, almost as if the one answering lacked opposable thumbs.

A voice from the other end of the phone sounds out, "She's on to us. It's time to intiate Operation: Leash Law*" (*translated from pet-speak)

"Are you sure? " The voice at the other end said

"Look I know what I am talking about, okay. It's not like this has just been a walk in the park for me.... well except for when I did go for a walk in the park.. but still... pay attention!"

TO BE CONTINUED ...

Time for Another New One

Another Collaborative poem. (And one of our longer ones at that)

By: Sue, Susan, Garvis, D.A., Doghouse, Misty, Elizabeth, and Jeff

When I close my eyes I think of you,
Then push a pin in the Doll of VooDoo.
If I'm really upset, I'll push in two,
And maybe light a match under you.

I hate you so much, you big piece of poo!
I could throw you in a pot of stew
Except you'd be too tough to frickin' chew.
And your hair's so greasy, ever heard of shampoo?

Sometimes when I see you, I could just spew.
It's disgusting the pain that you've put me through.
And I think you also gave me the flu,
Ah - ah - ah - ahhhhhh - ahCHooooooo

So now I can't go to the zoo,
I guess I'll just listen to some Blink 182.
Then I'll change my haircolor to blue.
As I decide to make my life anew.

Hey, that sounds interesting. So what will you do?
Probably get a real big tattoo.
Maybe go to school, and some new skills acrue,
And read a bit about Winnie the Pooh!

I heard a rumor that he was a Jew.
That's strange, I thought he was Buddhist because he knows kung fu.
And has mastered the art of Ju-Jitsu
Actually, that was his friend Roo.
Phew!

Welcome Celt

Celt joined the Exquisite-Corpse list in dramatic fashion (and was greeted in a likewise manner)

By: Celt, D.A., and Doghouse

It was a dark and stormy night and as the front door of the old mansion squeaked open on rusty complaining hinges, lightning flashed and starkly revealed the silhouetted figure of the new arrival.......

CELT!
The HORROR!!!

***

And then Celt laughed hilariously at the surprised looks on everyone's faces. "Scared you didn't I?"
"The way you jumped out I thought Michael Myers had finally caught us."
"Don't say his name you'll draw him to us!!!! We've been hiding out here in our little corner of cyber-space hiding from him. He's evil you know."

***

"What's all the noise going on up there? Rusty doors slamming at this time of night? Sounds like a bunch of darned hippies moving in."

***

"WORSE!!! A witch!"

***

A witch I tell you. She turned me into a newt.

***

"What does a guy have to do to get a decent night's sleep around here? First doors slamming and hinges squeaking and then a witch shows up and now I see talking newts crawling around all over the place. Oh well, as long as she didn't turn him into a Newt Gingrich then I can't complain."

New One

New One

Another collaborative poem.

By: Sue, D.A., Susan, Doghouse, Misty, Jeff, Garvis

Last night I had the strangest dream
I couldn't quite place the theme
I think I was wading in a stream
And I think some of the images were quite obscene.
All of a sudden I saw a big fish!
With it's Peg Bundy Hairdo it said, "Let's dish!"
"But first," I thought, "I'd like to make a wish."
(For a Time Wonk had caused two replies to exist.)
"I'd like a dream date with Lillian Gish."

I don't even care that she is dead!
I bet she'd give terrific... meds

It's Quiet, Too Quiet

It's Quiet, Too Quiet

This poem came about when we were discussing what our next writing project should be. (The title reflects the subject line of the original discussion)

By: Susan, D.A., Sue, Doghouse, Qbryzan, Misty

I was so tired, I could hardly scream.
I wanted to sleep, and return to my dream.
But I was hungry and needed some ice cream.

So in my pajamas I wandered to the store.
Never thinking that in my PJs I looked rather hardcore.
In fact, its true, I could barely reveal more.

While along the way, I wandered upon a sight
I tried not to look, using all of my might
The grotesque figure gave me a fright

But I couldn't move, I was frozen in place,
Was that my neighbor's TV set showing The Amazing Race?

Rob and Amber were appearing for the 47th time.
But this time running it as a Mime.
And now someone's just tossed them a dime
But that won't pay for the Taxi this time.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"

Writing assignment beginning with the same sentence where no one knows what the other person wrote:
By Susan, Melissa, Doghouse. D.A., Misty Jo, Sue, Garvis and Jeff.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" This wasn't what I meant to do, where I meant to go or how I meant to get there. I didn't understand.It didn't make any sense! If I explained this to anyone, they would think I was nuts.. off my rocker."The Chick is Twisted", they would confirm to each other. Well I have never denied that, but come on, that didn't help me out at all. What have I gotten myself into? All I can do is ponder deeply and hope I figure out the answer by nightfall.Because once nightfall hits.. all bets are off.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" I knew showing up at this place was a mistake. I knew not listening to my instincts would get me into trouble. But I never expected … this! Whatever 'this' is. "What exactly are we watching?" I asked the guy standing next to me. We both tilted our heads to the left so we could keep up with the action. "Is he… was that… are they going to… that looked uncomfortable. Hey!" I turned my full attention to the man in blue in hopes of getting a response. "Are you going to answer my question?"

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" It was just a silly sore throat and if I didn't worry about that stuff so much I never would have thought of going to see the doctor in the first place, but I do, and here I am, so save your "I told you so"'s for later. Okay? You hear that Lisa? Wherever you are? No, you don’t, because you’re not here and even if you were here you never heard anything I said anyway so you wouldn’t be hearing this anyway, so just forget it. Can we do that? Probably not if you were really here because you’d be telling me you’re not going to be forgetting anything anytime soon while I thought about choking you. Maybe it was a good thing when she left. Anyway, I thought the doc would take a look down my throat with that little light thing, feel my neck, say “hmmm” and send the nurse down the hall for one of those throat swab things which would reassure me I was alright and then I’d be on my way, but here I was, alone in an open-backed examination gown with nothing on underneath and worst of all, my shoes and socks were keeping company with the rest of my clothes in a plastic bag hanging from a hook on the back of the exam room door. My feet were cold. My throat was still scratchy, although not really enough now to warrant a visit to the doc and Lisa was still pissing me off although the involuntary clenching of my hands had seemed to stop. Yeah, I know, and I don't want to talk about power either, okay?

Five minutes turned to ten and the anxiety over my scratchy throat was thankfully lost with the effort of trying to translate the Spanish language medical wall chart of sexually transmitted diseases which was hanging right next to the wall chart of diseases of the human spine. Unfortunately, neither of these efforts was enough to make me forget that I was sitting on a hard examination table in a cold examination room, naked underneath a gown I was unable to tie in the back. As I was listening to Lisa's voice tell me I'd just be getting dressed and leaving if I had any sense, but we both know that I don't have any sense which is why I'm still sitting here bare-assed like some type of idiot who can’t take care of himself the door opened. I turned to smile at the doc, more out of relief that he was actually here and was able to shut Lisa up than from any real sense of happiness to see him and finally get the show on the road, but saw two men in matching black suit coats entering the room instead. I was just thinking they looked exactly the same when the man on the left looked at me and said, “Are you ready, Mr. Sherman?” Sherman? Who the hell is Mr. Sherman? These guys must have me mixed up with some other guy in some other room and as I leaned forward to tell them they were in the wrong room, I bumped the glass of root beer the nurse had given me earlier and spilled it all over the bedside table. It was then that I noticed the slightly off color and odd smell of the drink, but it was too late to do anything because the two guys in the black suits were suddenly four and then a blurry and wiggly eight and then the room started spinning in front of me and the last thing I remember is dropping back down to the exam table.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"
The room was in disarray. The place looked like it had been ransacked, Cushions had been shredded, the cabinet drawers had been dumped with their contents strewn about the place. Even the curtains had been pulled down. Something odd was afoot. How did this happen?
The day had started innocently enough, I had gotten up at the usual time. Had a shower and poured myself a coffee. The birds were singing, the bees were buzzing. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful, ordinary day. The first clue that something would go amiss today occurred shortly after lunch. I was walking through the park when I was accosted by an old woman. Her hair was wild and unkempt, and she was wearing a flannel nightgown. "You're the focal point! The energies will focus around you!" And she started making these weird hand gestures towards me. I hurried away from her, she was obviously deranged!
As I walked home from work later that evening, a small army of squirrels and chipmunks were following me! I didn't believe it when I first noticed that mass of slowly moving rodents. But when I stopped, they all stopped. When I turned a corner, they turned a corner. I started to run; and I took many turns down unfamiliar streets. And the rodent army doggedly kept up pursuit. Finally, I saw my house. I made a mad dash for the door; lurched it open and slammed it. I looked out the peep-hole in the door, and all across my lawn I could see the squirrels and chipmunks (and even a couple of skunks) sitting in the lawn. Eerily staring at the door; they seemed to be swaying, almost as if caught up in some liturgical chant that I couldn't hear.
Shakily I turned to the living room and saw the chaos.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" I can not think of anything to write for this new assignment. I figured this time I could cheat and Google the first line and come up with a story already written. Then there is work and the pressure of working with someone who really want to retire so he is making my life miserable. The pressure has caused an even bigger problem since I am now faced with over eating. I have this rather large stain on my shirt from the drippings of the massive amounts of White Castles I must consume to compensate for the pressure. Now what do I do?. There is Shout, Zout, Tide to Go, Spray and Wash, Wisk, club soda, Clorox and I don't know where to turn. Which stain remover do I use? Should I spray and soak or should I rub it in?. Should I take my shirt off and try to remove the stain that way or just attempt to clean it while it is on my body. There is also the question of what to do with all the cardboard containers from the White Castles. Can they still be recycled with the tiny onion bits still clinging to the sides of the container? I don't know if I should carefully remove each onion bit before throwing the containers away. I'm really not sure if the containers should be collapsed prior to disposing them. It is a rough life and I have a headache but I don't know which pain reliever to use.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" I joined this Yahoo group and they are MAKING me write stuff. You would think I was still in the dreaded high school composition class............

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"
I was locked out of my house, in my underwear, and it was raining. From inside the house I could hear the phone ringing. It was the phone call of a lifetime and I was unable to answer it. I scanned the surrounding neighborhood to see if anyone was viewing my current predicament. Satisfied that I was completely alone, I dashed from the front porch around the side of the house to attempt to climb in the side window. As I reached the window and struggled to push open the apparently locked window, my heart sunk as I saw the familiar red and blue strobe flashing lights. "How am I going to explain this one?" I thought to myself. As gracefully as I could - in my underwear, I composed myself and turned to face the police officer.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"
The walls were wet and slimy like the inside of a cave or a colon. Not that I had every been inside of a colon, in fact I had never actually been inside of a cave, but if I had been inside of either, I am certain this is what they would have felt like.I ran my hand over the walls feeling for a light switch. Once again I had never heard of a cave or a colon having a light switch, but having never been in either it was possible. Surprisingly the slime was not coming off of the walls. In fact my hand was not even getting wet from touching it. This was strange. And while I did not truly know what a cave or a colon felt like, I did know what strange felt like and this was most definitely it.I slapped the wall and watched in the low light as it wiggled like Jell-o. I also took in the rich sound the slap had made and that had echoed back. I wonder if these walls are edible? I stuck my face close and took a deep sniff trying to discern a flavor. Nothing. I stuck my tongue out tentatively, deciding whether to give the wall a lick or not. On the one hand it could taste like strawberry kiwi. On the other hand it could taste like colon... or lime.

Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?"
I'm no writer. I don't even pretend to be one. And now these folks want me to write? The only writing I've ever done was a little bit of erotic fiction but even that wasn't very good. Damn, now I've got to figure out what to write. And I have to do it on a deadline? I don't like pressure!!! What the hell am I going to write about? I need some inspiration!!! I wonder if I can find a few women to send me some pictures to provide me some inspiration. Oh wait...these folks might not like that type of writing. I'm in trouble now!!!!