Compilation of First Sentences and Sig Lines

After discussing and kicking around various ideas for a First Sentence for starting our next "telephone story" - Our wonderful compiler Misty pulled out all the suggestions for a first sentence (some tongue-in-cheek) and various sig-lines into this wonderful mash of prose.

Sentences & Sig-Lines
By ExquisiteCorpse-Spoilers; Compiled by: Misty

I'll all for either idea, so long as I'm not the collector, or in a position of obligation or responsibility.
Will this story then only have beginnings.. no middle or no end?
The first will be where we all use the same sentence. We could start it now.. Who wants to come up with a sentence? Or should we come up with some and then vote in a poll?
We can't use that, because it is a little too meta.
Either one sounds great to me
Sarcasm is the refuge of losers..
Every morning now as I drink my Iced Latte I can't help wondering about the pus and blood content! But I just keep sipping through my straw.
As soon as beauty is sought not from religion and love, but for pleasure, it degrades the seeker.
It wasn't that I wanted to beat myself up, but I was tired, delusional,and really sick of how straight my nose was. It was time for a change..She said he had sex once but was drunk and didn't remember how to do it..
Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.She explained to the mechanic that it wasn't her fault, the Snoopy did it.
Suddenly I looked around and asked myself, "What have I gotten into here?" I didn't really expect an answer because I was pretty sure that I didn't know. Still there was that nagging moment of doubt where I thought perhaps I did know, but I was just being superior and refusing to tell me. I can be such a prick sometimes.Why does God get all the credit when something good happens? Where is he when the heart stops?
It was a dark stormy night.
He was a dark and stormy knight. It was an ill-lit and windy dark time.
There seemed to be some sort of precipitation in the air.... Either that..or I was just sweating a lot. The sky looked and sounded like a flock of flatulent vultures eyeing a prize bit of roadkill.It had legs and these eyes sticking up on these stalks. Oh and corn.
Then life must be utopia for words*, since they can experience the thrill of victory, without the agony of de feet with the exception of words like "excrement", because I don't imagine it has a good life at all. Just imagine trying to get a date with a name like "excrement"
Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler. He did a lot. But don't we all wish he woulda just stayed home and gotten stoned?
Hopefully the rain will stop there, and the human harvest can proceed... dryly.